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Essay Plan Feedback — Aromatawai Mahere Tuhituhi

Level 2 History · History 2.4 · Lesson 8 · Peer checks essay outline before writing begins in Lesson 9

Feedback writer (your name)

Plan writer (peer's name)

Their event

Introduction Plan · Mahere Kuputaki

The event name and approximate dates are noted.

Three distinct groups are named specifically (not "protesters" or "the government" — actual group names).

There is a draft thesis — a sentence claiming WHY perspectives were irreconcilable.

Strength of the thesis plan:

Strong — names a specific clash OK — claims irreconcilability but vague Needs work — just lists the groups No thesis yet

One suggestion for the thesis:

Perspective 1 Plan · Tirohanga Tuatahi

P The group is named. Their core perspective/belief is noted in dot points.

E An evidence source is identified — with a creator/author name AND a date (not just "a historian says").

E The "why" explanation notes something about context, values, identity, or experience — not just what they wanted.

Is the evidence source specific enough to find and cite?

Yes — name + date Partly — name only or date only Too vague — needs a real source

Most important improvement for P1 before writing:

Perspective 2 Plan · Tirohanga Tuarua

P A different group is named. Their perspective is distinct from Perspective 1.

E An evidence source is identified with creator/author AND date.

E The "why" explanation notes something that explains the difference between P1 and P2.

Is this perspective genuinely different from Perspective 1?

Yes — different group, different reason Mostly — same conclusion, different reason Too similar to P1 — needs a distinct angle

Most important improvement for P2 before writing:

Perspective 3 Plan · Tirohanga Tuatoru

P A third, distinct group is named. Their perspective adds something new.

E For events affecting Māori or Pacific peoples — is the evidence from a Māori or community voice speaking for themselves? (Not just a Pākehā description.)

E The "why" explanation connects to identity, cultural context, lived experience, or historical background.

Most important improvement for P3 before writing:

Conclusion Plan · Mahere Whakahōhonu

The plan names a specific value clash or framework difference — not just "they disagreed about the event."

The plan notes WHY agreement was impossible — the deeper reason (different frameworks, different definitions of a core concept).

There is a significance note — why does this event still matter for Aotearoa today?

The conclusion plan currently:

E — names a value clash + significance M — mentions irreconcilability but vague A — just restates the three perspectives Missing or very brief

One suggestion to strengthen the conclusion plan:

The strongest part of this plan:
Why this is working well:

Single most important fix before writing starts in Lesson 9:

Be specific — e.g. "Find an author name and date for the source in P2" or "Rewrite the thesis to name the specific value clash."

Essay Plan Feedback — Aromatawai Mahere Tuhituhi

📋 Teacher Planning Snapshot

Ngā Whāinga Ako — Learning Intentions

Ngā Paearu Angitū — Success Criteria

Differentiation & Inclusion